PlayOnLyrics top 20 worst lyrics (2024)

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PlayOnLyrics top 20 worst lyrics
playonlyrics ^ | 12-21

Posted on 12/23/2006 5:01:28 PM PST by Mr. Blonde

At PlayOnLyrics we like to play around with misheard lyrics. Occasionally, however, you wish you had misheard a lyric, or can’t believe what you just heard.

Back in the day, one time Tonight Show host and hack musician Steve Allen used to read out lyrics from popular songs just to make fun of young musicians. That used to bug us. Taking lyrics out of context can be a distasteful and irrelevant exercise by the smug and untalented. After all, “The Doo Ron Ron” is a great song about nothing. But, sometimes lyrics are just so bad you just have to stop and ask the question “what were they on when they wrote that?”

So here is PlayOnLyric’s look at 20 particularly banal, pretentious or weird lyrics.

20. John Mayer, “Something’s Missing”

Friends. Check Money. Check Well-slept. Check Opposite sex. Check Guitar. Check Microphone. Check Messages waiting for me When I get home. Check How come everything I think I need Always comes with batteries? What do you think it means?

We don’t know John, what does it really mean? You use a vibrator?

19. Black Eyed Peas, “My Humps”

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.

Fergie: setting back feminism 50 years. And it isn’t even sexy in a trashy, slutty kinda way.

18. Bruce Springsteen, “Glory Days”

He could throw that speed ball by you make you look like a fool

The Boss is a great lyric writer and we feel bad for even bringing this up. But this song was about remembering high school and a baseball player. Perhaps he could blow a ‘fast ball’ past you, but a ‘speedball’ is something that John Belushi or Chris Farley would blow past you.

17. The Killers, “All These Things I've Done”

I've got soul but I'm not a soldier. I've got soul but I'm not a soldier I've got soul but I'm not a soldier

We got it the first time. People are slowly starting to realize that they sound interesting in a retro way but their lyrics are utter dross.

16. Wang Chung, “Everybody Have Fun”

Everybody have fun tonight Everybody have fun tonight Everybody wang chung tonight

“Rats, what rhymes with fun? Er…wait a moment. Wang Chung! That rhymes. Hurrah! That was lucky.” Yes there was some good music in the 1980s. And then there was Wang Chung.

15. Poison, “Unskinny Bop”

Unskinny bop Just blows me away Unskinny bop, bop All night and day Unskinny bop, bop, bop, bop She just loves to play Unskinny bop, nothin' more to say.

Making fun of 80s hair bands is too easy; it is like shooting fish in a barrel. But this steaming pile of rubbish has to win some award. Unskinny means fat, right?

14. Destiny's Child, “Bills, Bills, Bills”

Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo' bills? Then maybe we can chill I don't think you do so you and me are through

Before Beyonce et al were inventing words like Jelli and Bootilicous there were writing stuff like this. So, I can only be with you if I pay your bills? That would make you a…what exactly?

13. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl”

This shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S

It’s a spelling bee from the blonde leader of No Doubt. The whole song led to debates about what exactly a hollaback girl was. But this line was just plain weird.

12. Alanis Morissette, “Ironic”

A traffic jam when you're already late A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife

I am sure she is sick of hearing about this. They are not bad lyrics, but the only ironic thing about any of the lyrics in this song is that they have nothing to do with irony. I think Sarah Vowell said it best – “Irony isn't a black fly in your chardonnay. Irony is naming your national airport after the president who fired all the air traffic controllers.”

11. Avril Lavigne, “SK8tr Boi”

He was a boy, she was a girl Can I make it any more obvious?

Not really. Wow that’s two young Canadian singers in a row. Can Celine be far behind?

10. The Police, “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”

He starts to shake and cough Just like the old man in That book by Nabakov

Sting just reminding you that he reads. Pretentious? Moi?

9. Billy Idol, “Flesh for Fantasy”

Face to face And back to back You see and feel My sex attack

My sex attack? Where’s the romance?

8. Kanye West “Jesus Walks”

I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers, The way Kathie Lee needed Regis that's the way y’all need Jesus.

Sometimes it works so well for Kanye. And then there’s this time.

7. Emerson, Lake and Palmer “Taste Of My Love”

You need love, I need love, here it comes , the taste of my love. I'm gonna love you like nobody ever loved you climb on my rocket and we'll fly. Over the moon past the sun till we find the gates of heaven open wide for lovers I'm gonna love you like nobody ever loved you climb on my rocket and we'll fly.

It is pretty easy to find a lot of pretentious twaddle put out by 1970s prog rockers. But this has to take the cake. Rumour has it that ELP put out a deliberately cheesy album after being made to fulfill a record contract. This would be very cheesy though.

6. Prism, “Starship Superstar”

I'm a spaceship superstar I've got a solar-powered laser beam guitar (he's a spaceship superstar) I'm at the top of all the charts on Mars

Laser beam guitar?? If this is life on Mars I don’t want to go.

5. David Hasselhoff “Is Everybody Happy”

If you’re surrounded by clouds of thunder Don’t let it get ya and pull-pull you under You gotta fight it and learn your lesson Or you will end up in deep deep depression Whatever the hang up We’re getting a gang up And we are gonna have us some fun

Oh God. Where’s that bucket?

4. America, “A Horse With No Name”

On the first part of the journey I was looking at all the life There were plants and birds and rocks and things

Things? What, after three lines of the song the lyrical well ran dry?

3. Billy Ray Cyrus, Achy Breaky Heart

And if you tell my heart, My achy breaky heart, He might blow up and kill this man.

Country music is often a well of heartfelt, clever and poignant lyrics. Then there is Billy Ray – king of the mullet and writer of this beauty.

2. Captain and Tennille, “Muskrat Love”

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land And they shimmy And Sammy's so skinny

And they didn’t wing this. They actually wrote it down. With a straight face.

1. Richard Harris/Donna Summer, “MacArthur Park”

Someone left the cake out in the rain I don't think I could take it, `cause it took so long to bake it And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no!

The most famous of all bad lyrics. Whether it was Richard Harris belting it out in the original four hour version or Donna Summer doing the disco version the whole song is just priceless.

TOPICS: Music/Entertainment
KEYWORDS: dumb; justforfun; lyrics; vanityNavigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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To: lesser_satan

That was Never Gonna Dance Again. (Just knowing that makes me question my masculinity, btw)

Actually the name of the song was "Careless Whisper."

Now you get me questioning my masculinity.

21posted on 12/23/2006 10:28:17 PM PSTby dfwgator

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To: dfwgator

The author of this piece has obviously never been treated to the musical genius of The Shaggs:

My Pal Foot Foot

My pal's name is Foot Foot (Foot Foot)
He always likes to roam
My pal's name is Foot Foot (Foot Foot)
I never find him home

I go to his house
Knock at his door Foot Foot don't live here no more

My pal Foot Foot (Foot Foot)
Always likes to roam
My pal Foot Foot (Foot Foot)
Now he has no home

Where will Foot Foot go
What will Foot Foot do
Oh, Foot Foot
I wish I could find you

I've looked here, I've looked there
I've looked everywhere
Oh, Foot Foot
Why can't I find you?

Foot Foot, where can you be?
Foot Foot, why won't you answer me?
Foot Foot, Oh Foot Foot
Wherever you are
I want you to come home with me

I don't have time to roam
I have things to do
I have to go home
Oh, Foot Foot, where are you?

If Foot Foot didn't like to roam so well
He would still have a place to dwell
Foot Foot, please answer me
I know where you are
You're behind that tree

Foot Foot, please come to me
Foot Foot, now that you're here
Won't you come home
Foot Foot, promise me this
That you will never again roam

Sheer poetry....

L

22posted on 12/23/2006 10:39:44 PM PSTby Lurker(History's most dangerous force is government and the crime syndicates that grow with it.)

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To: Lurker

But nobody could match the true master, Benny Hill:

GARDEN OF LOVE

Benny Hill

(Chorus) The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love

Now there’s a rose for the way my spirits rose when we met
A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget
A pine tree for the way I pined over you
And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there’s a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date
A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late
Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come
So, in their honour, I have raised a nice chris-an’-the-mum

(Chorus) And the sun….

Now there’s a beetroot for the day you said that you’d beetroot to me
A sweet pea for the sweet way you always smiled at me
But you had friends who needed you
There was Ferdy, there was Liza
So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza

(Chorus) And the sun….

But Gus the gardener’s left now and you went with him, too
The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you
Now the rockery’s a mockery, with weeds it’s overgrown
The fuchsia’s gone, I couldn’t face the fuchsia all alone

And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above
And poisoned all the flowers in my garden of love


23posted on 12/23/2006 10:48:51 PM PSTby dfwgator

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To: LongElegantLegs

Or a dumbed down Gwen Stefani.


24posted on 12/23/2006 11:38:08 PM PSTby Mr. Blonde(You know, Happy Time Harry, just being around you kinda makes me want to die.)

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To: Mr. Blonde

I liked Rich Girl as much as the next pirate fan, but is it possible to get any dumber than Gwen?


25posted on 12/24/2006 5:34:04 AM PSTby LongElegantLegs(...a urethral syringe used to treat syphilis with mercury.)

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To: Mr. Blonde; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; SandyInSeattle; Darksheare; OSHA; ...

The writer is an amateur. Here is the professional:

PlayOnLyrics top 20 worst lyrics (1)

PlayOnLyrics top 20 worst lyrics (2)

26posted on 12/24/2006 9:22:13 AM PSTby Slings and Arrows("I smell bagels.")

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To: Mr. Blonde

Have to agree on pretty much all of these.

I did always wonder what an "Unskinny Bop" was.


27posted on 12/24/2006 9:25:45 AM PSTby RockinRight(To compare Congress to drunken sailors is an insult to drunken sailors. - Ronald W. Reagan)

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To: Always Right

Why 'music' by Hasselhoff even makes any list is beyond me.

He is, I am told, very popular in Europe.

28posted on 12/24/2006 9:34:58 AM PSTby Harmless Teddy Bear(We must have faith For when it is all said and done, Faith manages. And the impossible is achieved)

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To: Slings and Arrows


Chipmunks roasting on an open fire,
Check for snipping at your nose;
You'll tide carols being sung by the fire,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey, handsome Mr. Soul
Help to make the season bright;
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.


29posted on 12/24/2006 10:21:18 AM PSTby Lady Jag(Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid)

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To: Mr. Blonde

Deck the Halls

Deck the halls with Buddy Holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
'Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our day of peril,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing Yulbie Forest,
Fa la la la la la, la la la.
Strike the heart, enjoy the florist,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Deck the halls with bells of jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
'Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.


30posted on 12/24/2006 10:22:59 AM PSTby Lady Jag(Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid)

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To: Harmless Teddy Bear; Always Right; Slings and Arrows

Why 'music' by Hasselhoff even makes any list is beyond me.

==>He is, I am told, very popular in Europe.

That's slander!!!!!!

;)

31posted on 12/24/2006 10:27:23 AM PSTby Irish_Thatcherite(A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!|What if I lecture Americans about America?)

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To: Lady Jag

"Stuff the turkey's hole with holly"


32posted on 12/24/2006 10:29:26 AM PSTby Irish_Thatcherite(A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!|What if I lecture Americans about America?)

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To: Irish_Thatcherite

Well, Germany at any rate.

:)

I am sure the Irish have much better taste.

33posted on 12/24/2006 10:32:50 AM PSTby Harmless Teddy Bear(We must have faith For when it is all said and done, Faith manages. And the impossible is achieved)

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To: Irish_Thatcherite

Good King Wenceslas

Good King Wences' car backed out
On the feet of heathens

When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even.

Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight
Gath'ring wine and gruel.

Good king wants his applesauce
At the feast this evening

When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even.


34posted on 12/24/2006 10:34:08 AM PSTby Lady Jag(Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid)

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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

I am sure the Irish have much better taste.

We do - remember that song I posted on another thread? :-P

35posted on 12/24/2006 10:38:58 AM PSTby Irish_Thatcherite(A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!|What if I lecture Americans about America?)

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To: Mr. Blonde

The album cover is so-so...

PlayOnLyrics top 20 worst lyrics (3)

...but these have gotta be the most unintentionally hilarious Christmas song lyrics ever:

Christmas in San Francisco

Vic Damone

Christmas in San FranciscoWhat a lovely place to beSeeing the hills being all lit upLike a diamond Christmas treeHearing children singing carolsPeople come from everywhereTo sing along with the childrenStanding all around Union SquareChristmas in San FranciscoLooking like some fairy landPeople with gifts in the crispy airGiving old Saint Nick a handLet’s take a peek in ChinatownEating lychee nuts and barbecued boarWhat can you say about the Golden GateThat hasn’t been said beforeChristmas in San FranciscoThere is no place quite so dearIt’s the closest thing to heavenHow I wish that you were here.What can you say about the Golden GateThat hasn’t been said beforeChristmas in San FranciscoThere is no place quite so dearIt’s the closest thing to heavenHow I wish that you were here.

36posted on 12/24/2006 10:39:53 AM PSTby martin_fierro(< |:)~)

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To: Lady Jag; Harmless Teddy Bear

Fairytale of New York, a duet by Shane McGowan and Kirsty MacColl:

Youre a bum
Youre a punk
Youre an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse
I pray God its our last


37posted on 12/24/2006 10:42:21 AM PSTby Irish_Thatcherite(A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!|What if I lecture Americans about America?)

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To: Central Scrutiniser

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
Cause I speak of the pompitous of love

People talk about me, baby
Say I'm doin' you wrong, doin' you wrong
Well, don't you worry baby
Don't worry
Cause I'm right here, right here, right here, right here at home

Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one

I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin' on the run
Wooo Wooooo

You're the cutest thing
That I ever did see
I really love your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Ooo-eee baby, I'll sure show you a good time

Refrain

People keep talking about me baby
They say I'm doin' you wrong
Well don't you worry, don't worry, no don't worry mama
Cause I'm right here at home

You're the cutest thing I ever did see
Really love your peaches want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Come on baby and I'll show you a good time


38posted on 12/24/2006 10:47:14 AM PSTby AmishDude(It doesn't matter whom you vote for. It matters who takes office.)

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To: Lady Jag; Xenalyte

Jingle presents
Beat the pheasants
Reindeer tastes like Spam!
Kick the elf
Engorge yourself
And ambush Santa's van
Hey!


39posted on 12/24/2006 10:50:18 AM PSTby Dont Mention the War(Giuliani '08: Why not p. o. BOTH sides?)

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To: Dont Mention the War; Harmless Teddy Bear; Xenalyte

Evil knight, wholly night,
Vests his dough in a young nerd bright.
Even so, the malevolent childe
Loses his shirt in a downturn mild,
Yielding sword and piece.
Now we will never have peace.

Angels often herd on high,
Nodding nimbly all the day.
God says little in reply,
Echoing what actors say:
Less is more-o-o-o-o-or-o-o-o-o-or-o-o-o-o-oria,
As one seeks the way-o.

There is no well, the angels did say,
In search of a hot tub in which they might lay,
Nor more than one shepherd to manage the sheep,
A lover of Oprah, demented but deep.

Praise be the shoppers, toyful and triumphant,
And the package tourists bound for Bethlehem.
Underneath their passions, they remain but angels,
Living to adore Him
As they serve other lords.

Give us what we're asking for, or we will you dismay.
In Heaven God may reign, but we want toys on Christmas Day!
Unless you do, some things you cherish well might go astray,
Like that Longines watch that long has been your joy, long your joy,
If you don't give in, you just might lose your joy!

40posted on 12/24/2006 11:08:00 AM PSTby Lady Jag(Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid)

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